I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
third nipple confirmed
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
