So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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