What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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