just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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