Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize