I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
