This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
