I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
