im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There r osticjed everywhere
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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