Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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