I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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