Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
