her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
