Jerry, you need to find god
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
