oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
