I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
