I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
