considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
