you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
