fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
