I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
