No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
