shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
