also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
