i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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