I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
