Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize