Sry I called you an 8
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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