i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
