Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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