He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
