bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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