If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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