They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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