She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
