Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
