Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
