hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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