dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
