it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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