I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
