Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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