when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
