Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
