Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
