happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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