Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
