it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
