the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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