Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
