and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
