i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
