why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
