"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
