She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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