you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
