Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
