dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
