So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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