mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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