I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
