So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
