It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
