spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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