Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
