your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
