____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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