quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
