I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
