are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
